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Subject:Change of Plans
Time:02:30 pm
Current Mood:tiredSORE
I ended up going to bloomington on saturday to michael's graduation. long story...friday sam and i went out to eat after work at bennigans, then we were going to see "the family stone" and go shopping afterward for the "adopt a child" kids. in the parking lot at the movies sandra calls begging sam to take her to the graduation after she had abruptly cancelled on him the day before. sam refused of course, and then she went to plan b, which was for me to convince sam that he should go. anyway, it took a while but he finally agreed saying that he would go, but only if i went with, because he didn't want to ride all the way down with sandra alone...(sarah cancelled too)...well in order to make it to the graduation ceremony on time meant that we would have leave sandra's house a 4am...so sam and i had to skip the movie and went straight to walmart to finish the shopping, then stop by my house so i could change, and we finally got to sam's house at about 1:30a. i took a shower at their house as soon as i got there, so i managed to fall asleep around 2am, and sam woke me up at 3:45a...so you could imagine how exausted we all were. the trip down there in the car was incredibly uncomfortable considering sam and sandra had a HUGE fight right when we got in, so at the first rest stop, i went to the bathroom and when i got back sandra was in the backseat instead of the front seat. the rest of the way with me in the front seat was a little better, sam and i sang all kinds of songs, and i kept trying to include sandra in nonesence chatter, but she obviously wasn't feeling it. we finally arrive and meet michael at his old dorm and followed him to the assembly hall (basketball court). there were sooo many people (and this is the winter ceremony, i wouldn't want to see the summer ceremony!) me, sam, sandra, and julie sat on the 2nd level way hight above the middle of the graduation stage. the ceremony was beautiful and short, thank God! afterward we all went out to eat at the malibu grill (GREAT restraunt in downtown bloomington) a coulple of michael's friends joined us and we stayed there for a couple of hours and headed back home. we all were so exausted and irritated, sam was absolutely unlikable most the trip, and i was snoring the whole way home in the car. sam dropped off sandra at her house and went to take me home, when we finally made it to my house, poor sam was so tired he knew he'd fall asleep if he tried driving home alone...so he spent the night at my house. i fell asleep at 8pm and didn't get up for church till 8:15am. after church me sam, sarah, and marty went out to eat lunch at bennigan's. after that me, marty, and sarah spent the afternoon shopping at the mall for cruise necessities. when we were done we went to the movies to see "the family stone" (really cute movie, made me cry).

they dropped me off at 9pm. and i called bill (blind date, mom's friend), and we had such a great convo. he was really sweet, funny, and easy to talk to. he asked all kinds of questions about me and really knew how to keep the converstion flowing. anyways he wants to meet up, but didn't want me to feel like i had to rush it (by making it tuesday) so i think i'll wait a little longer for the acutal date. i'm not sure, but i knew that when it came down to it on tuesday i was really wishing my mom never set us up. anyways, he did call me monday morning, the morning after we talked, and left a message just recapping, and saying sorry he had to get off the phone for work and that he had a great time talking to me..blah, blah, blah....he's really nice and i'm excited to make a new friend, but anything more than that i'm just not interested in. i'm such a hypocrit! lol...whatever happens, happens...as long as it's the will of God!!

okay sick of typing..
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Subject:Don't like to drive in this weather...
Time:10:30 am
Current Mood:numbnumb
All i have to say is thank god i didn't have any big plans last night after work, cuz it was so bad out for driving. my car kept sliding everywhere. sam says it's because i was probably driving too fast, which is usually the case, but last night i couldn't go 20mph without slippin all over the road. my tires suck, need new ones. on the way home i stopped at burger king for dinner...the only thing i like from there are their hamburgers. after that i stopped at family video and picked the skeleton key with kate hudson. went home and watched the movie...it was good, it wasn't really scary...i don't think i jumped once, but it was interesting and i think that it had a cool ending, good twist...but not as good as the sixth sence like the commercial says...kate hudson did a good job playing the role, it's outside of her bublegum light comedy stuff she does. oh fiddlesticks child...lol...mostly though i don't like movies with stories about vodo and hoodoo and magic, obviously because it's about the devil, but mostly cuz the plots aren't strong enough. i like good old horror flicks where the killer is someone you know and even a couple of the ghosts ones like "what lies beneath", that movie makes me jump out of my skin! anyway gotta go shopping tonight for the bebe kids. so much to do, so little time...me and sam are probably gonna try to go to the movies too...we'll see, but i know i want to eat tgifridays tonight....
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Subject:Will it ever end?
Time:05:35 pm
Current Mood:boredbored
this day is lasting forever...i feel like i've been at work for days...i have a little over 20 min and it always seems to feel the longest...don't really have much to do today. i'm gonna go tanning after work, then i have to pick up some food for the cat. maybe i'll rent a movie and grab something to eat!!! ohhhh that sounds fun!!! oh goodie i didn't think i'd be doing anything fun tonight...i need more friends..lol!
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Subject:Hello, my name is Alexandra and I am addicted to LiveJournal
Time:01:47 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
I really can't get enough of this journal site. I have been sitting at my desk at work wracking my brain for some more stuff to type about just so I could add another entry. But I also feel like I'm really behind compared to Lucy, Amy, and even Sarah (who hasn't even been on in months to write in her journal) I feel like I never stop talking, but only have 45 entries. It's because I make each entry 5 years long..i don't break up my info. but i just get so excited and everything kind of just flows. this is so sad!!lol...j/k...

work...work is dramatic per usual. Delia's dad died so she's gone for the week or so, lynn is on disability leave and i'm not sure if she's coming back, nancy's husband had a stroke about a month ago and it's like all hell broke loose at work cuz she's either never here physically or never here mentally. after her husband had a stroke her daughter started acting out real bad (she's about 14 or something) and ended up at south campus for mental issues. so nancy had to be gone again to deal with that. her daughter didn't want her to come back to work, she wanted her to quit so she could be home schooled. nancy spoils her a lot so it's typical that she would act out like this. I feel bad for her cuz she's got her kid and her husband to take care of and still be able to perform at her job. must suck!

shaun is moving again. she found a four bedroom house for rent in lake station and is moving out next month. supposedly the landlord is really nice, which is why shes moving out of her house now, her current landlord is a nut and very unprofessional.

just last night dee called carmen a b**ch 3 times screaming at her over doing ambulance before walk-ins, but with dee can we really be suprised. she's a ticking time bomb, you never know when she's going to go off. anyway carmen reported her to lauree, but knowing how this department is run, nothing will happen, she'll just get away with it...she's building herself a record though cuz this is not the first time she's been reported for confrentational problems with fellow coworkers.

God forgive me but I have a serious issue with Pam Shear. the woman is just so rude in a nice way that it gets under your skin. she's so sarcastic and thinks she's the only one that knows how to do anything right. i really try to get along with everyone and i really don't have any issues with anyone or dislike a lot of people, but i just don't favor her. she's one of the remaining people who treat me like i'm 9 years old and don't get it. Hello!!! I got this job on my own thank you, and i can do the work without constant nagging. I really think that they're just jealous of young people like me, sam, and heather who have little to no expierence and do fabulously at our job. we pick up things 5 times faster, and we are more comfortable with change. and we're great at it!! so what do they do? they treat us like we're not even old enough to walk...and i don't take that kind of treatment very well...I am NOT anyone's child and I will NOT be treated as such, i am a coworker and i make the same money and do the same job and expect the same respect as everyone else. Linda from financial too...she approached me screaming like I was her 5 year old kid who colored all over the wall, and I had to put her in her place! Don't talk to me like that fool, I'm a woman of God. whatever i just let it roll off my shoulders...

I have to take a direct up now so i have to run...
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Subject:A little nervous...
Time:11:19 am
Current Mood:excitedexcited
Okay so I have officially been set up on a blind date. it's so pathetic...mainly because my mom did the setting up...i don't know supposedly this guy is incredibly nice and makes good money, and is "cute". I don't really have a problem with going on a blind date...perosnally I have always wanted to go on one, it's just kinda crappy because the guys i'm meeting on a regular basis are worldly men. No matter what I do I can't seem to find any good christian men who are worth going out with..because if there were I would be out cutting the circuit. (i don't really know what that means lol!) All the men at church are married, ingaged, or 12 years old...I think i'm gonna go church hopping for single men! lol j/k..i would never do that because i know that the word says that the man will come to the woman. i ain't chasing after no one! that's how it happened with this guy..the blind date guy...(i think his name is mike or dave...i forget) He went to pepe's with his mom (pepe's is where my mom works) and him and my mother got to talking...he says that he's very picky because he wants a woman who doesn't party, drink, or smoke (that last one is a little problem)lol. anyways I'm not sure if he's a christian but he's looking for a good girl. which is nice cuz that tells you that he's got some morals. anyway, he gave my mom his number telling her if i'd felt comfortable he'd like to go out some time...initially when my mom told me about it on thanksgiving i freaked because i'm not specifically comfortable calling a strange man i've never met...so my mom saw him again and she gave him my number to call me...she invited him and his mother to her house xmas morning cuz she thought i was going to be there to open gifts, so that he could meet me...i told her that she was CRAZY!! and pushing way to strong...(my mom really likes him)

i'm off tuesday so we'll probably go to dinner..he's gonna call me back to make final plans. But I haven't gotten to my biggest problem! His age...now i'm not one to really care THAT much about age...i've never dated a guy that much older than me, but in my experience i've never exceeded over 27. This guy is 32. 9 years older than me...i know it doesn't sound that bad, but i'm 23 i'm a babe compared to 32....you switch the numbers around in our age and they match!...lol...but the thing is when my mom first told me about him she said he was 30..which caught my attention obviously but i got over it when she told me more about him...but then she tells me that she got the age wrong and he's really 32. i don't know maybe an older man will be a good thing for me.

I guess either way it can't hurt to meet someone new...i mean i'm excited to see if i like him, but not really all that pumped..i'm really going just to go...it's something different to do. i hope that doesn't seem shallow. honestly i just haven't been to siked about dating period...i am in noooo position to be distracting myself from the Lord. cuz that's what men would be right now where i'm at a distraction. i'd be dating to fill a void and be youthful and fun...but i'd be pulling away from the things that i have to do to survive as a christian. i'm seriously considering just cutting off men all together..for a VERY long time. I mean it's lonely but me wanting to be with someone right now is out of selfish tendencies. making it about me and serving myself and what i want...i just can't afford that right now. it's not even all that dramatic, i just know myself and i know my limits. so i'm gonna go out with this guy and enjoy myself because i deserve to have good conversation over a delicious meal (for free thank you, cuz i don't go dutch, im a woman of God!)and i promise myself that i will be completly honest with him. no games! he's getting the full blown alexandra! lol.. you never know he could be my new best friend!

well i wrote a friggen book and i am sooo sorry!!
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Subject:Going on and on and on and on....
Time:02:07 pm
Current Mood:mellowmellow
What else is new? well luis met his father a couple months ago for the first time. I of course didn't find out anything about til a couple weeks after it happened. Mom apparently didn't think i needed to know. I was at great america with sam, sarah, and marty and saw luey there with some of his cousins and turned out his dad was there too. It caught way off guard but he was happy, so i was happy.

I found my dad's number finally, called it and heard my dad's voice on the answering machine. a couple days later his new wife (who barely speaks any english) calls me back telling me that my dad was out of town in mexico on a a business trip and she would have him call me the next day or so. it's been a couple of weeks and i haven't gotten a call back from him. i tried calling a few days ago but the phone just kept ringing, no machine. so that pretty much answers my questions about whether he'd want to talk to me or not. Oh well, it's not like i lost anything i had. what are you gonna do? sarah was a huge support through it though, she called me before she went to bed since i hadn't called her with an update. she was worried and wanted to know what happened. and she's been here for me to talk to about it. kim too. though i understand that she doesn't really get it. she's already a emotionaly slower person but on top of it she has both her parents and has never experienced being without a mother or father. i say that like it's so damaging, but it really isn't that bad. i mean i suks yes, but it can only get you down if you let it. i've said my peace and i've given the rest to the Lord. that's all i can do. I've been really learning about just letting go and how i can't fix every situation. some things just are the way they are for the time they need to be that way. we can't make any sense of it and we fustrate ourselves trying to do it our way or "fix" it our way, but we just mess it up more. I am really just in a place where everything is stagnit. I'm not, i feel like i'm going every direction (spiritually) which is great, but my life is kind of on hold. and it's jaw wrenching because i have never been good at sitting still. i guess that's the point. that's the lesson. i feel drained and hyper at the same time. it's a mixture of waiting on God and leaning on His timing and not my own timing.

I do have great, exciting news though, in april I'm going down to atlanta,ga for a juanita bynum convention called "The Threshing Floor" about be refreshed. I'm taking sarah for her wedding present, and sam's coming too. Pastor Moses is thinking about coming and bringing mallory. she really wants to go. but that's not all, in july there's a t.d. jakes and juanita bynum convention in atlanta as well called the "MegaFest 2006". Sam and I are going to that one and it's just so uplifting to know we have this to look forward to. I really want sam and i to get into more bible study and readings, he has so much knowledge of the word that i can feed off of, but i don't think he looks at it the same as i do. he's young and wants to enjoy his youth, understandably he occasionaly feels tied down with things that he HAS to do as a christian. I wish there were more i could do, but that's really between him and the Lord. I know sam and i know the calling he has on his life...and after this season of confusion and condemnation he will be even more on fire for the Lord. I just hope it's not a long season. A month ago though you couldn't touch him he was so on fire. He was living and breathing Jesus. Not that he doesn't now, he's just so hard on himself. We all want our fleshly desires. We all lust after the things we shouldn't have, and we make bad decisions here and there, but the difference with us is choice. We choose Jesus, and His grace is never ending when your heart is in the right place for the Lord, even if your flesh is all about the world. That's what's so incredible about the Lord, it's so easy...all of it...but it's us that make it hard on ourselves. We complicate the situation. He doesn't care about yesterday or 30 seconds ago what we did or wanted, He's just happy that we refer it back to Him. He's happy that at the end of even the hardest day we seek Him despite it all. The word says that we can come boldly to throne of God and repent and ask for forgiveness, for His rightousness in us bought that for us. Shake it off and start again. Even knowing that tomorrow we'll be right back in that position wanting the ungodly things of this world, we just come prepared everyday to face it and keep pressing on. I sound like a joyce meyer inspirational message, but this is good though cuz i read back on these a lot and these things are exactly what i need to read. So bring it on Holy Spirit! Well I'm gonna study the word some more before i get off of work, gotta go tanning tonight and then sam and i have to go shopping for the adopt a child gifts in a couple of days so got a busy week. what else is new right?
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Subject:It's been way too long!
Time:12:34 pm
Current Mood:goodgood
OMG!!! It's been months since I wrote in this journal. I was reading over all my old entries and forgot how much I absolutely loved writing in it. I know sarah doesn't do it anymore, her attention span for certain things only last so long.lol. There are so many things to talk about. I'm still with the Lord, praise God. Though it has gotten effitiently harder I'm making it through. I went through a seriously dark winter season, even backslid. Started smoking again, but I do not intend on keeping that up. I've been smoking a little over a month now. I hate it! It seemed like the world was caving in on me so I broke under the pressure. But I do have to give praise report that I'm getting back on my feet. I'm studing the word on a daily basis, and I have conversations with the Lord on a regular every 5 minute basis. Lately it's been like I can't even get out of bed without hearing Him tell me to. I've been gaining a real dependency on Him.

I was looking at all my old entries and couldn't believe how on fire I was. It was so fullfilling to see that in myself. Very encourgaing and motivational. I've been so dramatic lately about the smallest things in my life.

Sam and I are still working together. We had a rough patch there for a while. It got pretty bad, but we got through it and a lot of things were brought out into the light. I know that no matter how bad it gets though, he will always be a part of my life, and thank God for it cuz I can't do it without him.

Sarah is getting married on May 27, 2006. She has picked out her wedding dress and veil with a tiara headband thingy (really beautiful). We went shopping with Pastor Moses and of course it was incredibly emotional. Pastor was crying and I was practically hypervenillating. I was the designated "get Sarah into the dress girl" in the dressing room. It was great. How could you ever forget going wedding dress shopping with you're best friend? But before all of this unfolds we first have to get through Michael's wedding which is in less than 3 weeks. A couple of weeks ago we went to their wedding shower which was held at Tiebel's. Really pretty and great food. No games that sucked, but they got sooooo much stuff. Sarah started crying and getting all puffy eyed, it was truly precious. Now this Saturday Michael is graduating from IUB and Sam, Sarah, and Sandra are going down to watch the ceremony. They wanted me to come, and I wanted to go, but I have a previous engagment. All the girls from work (carmen, janice, lisa, debbie, geri, dave (baldy), glen, and andie) are having a xmas party at Janice's on Saturday, and they specifically planned it around me and carmen's schedule so we could go. I'm really excited. We'll play cards and just hang out, I love those guys, their great!

The cruise is a couple weeks away and I am so siked. I've been tanning and getting ready. Mom is getting my luggage for xmas so I'll have that all ready. Lastly, me and sarah are last minute shopping for a dress to wear to the wedding and to the captain's dinner on the ship. It HAS to be formal. I can't wait, we are going to have a blast!

By God's glory, and His glory alone, i got the week off for the trip. Turns out Kim (from work) felt really bad and wanted to help me out, so got the week under her name and handed it over to me. You know there's a God when Kim Carey does something for you with nothing in return. Bless her heart, that really touched me and stopped me in my tracks. the Lord will pick the most unlikely people to show His work in your life.

I joined a volleyball league and love it! It's great workout and my team consists of Debbie O., Lorelei, Lauren, JOJO, Kim, karen carver, elvira (who's never come to a single game), kim lugo (who broke her finger, lord bless her heart), lydia (mvp of the team), and brittany is a sub player. We have such a good time, and I love to be competitive. well not as much as lydia, but i like to dive for the ball. i just can't handle being up by the net. i'm like 4ft tall compared to that net, it's very difficult for me, but i try and do a pretty good job, considering i never really played before. and i definitly didn't know any of the real rules and regulations of the game. so it's been fun learning.

I've gotta go to lunch now, but I'll write more later, i'm sure i can dig up more to type about. man this is great!!
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Subject:VACATION!!!
Time:06:35 am
Current Mood:ecstaticecstatic
I am finally on vacation from work for two weeks and so far i have some fun things planned...me and the girls from work are getting a room at the radison next weekend and going to the comedy club...and hopping in the swimming pool at the hotel...chicago for a day or two...then i'm heading out to lighthouse mall for a day...monday i'm going hiking at the dunes....hopefully i'll be able to go camping, but we'll have to see about the weather. adrienne's dragging me to the gym but that ok cuz i have to get on track for the cruise...i'm pumped up and ready to lose the weight..for the first time ever i'm really confident i'll lose what i want...i've already shredded about 10 pounds just from eating at home and not going out to eat everyday. i just have to start reguarly excersing and the pounds will start falling off. that's what i love about my body...when i start working out you can see immediate results because of my adrenaline and metabalism i start loosing it quick..so that will be a motivation in itself....i can't wait to go to chicago next week cuz i'm hitting sear's tower, the atrium and the museums. not the aquarium though...it's way too expensive and i really don't like fish...

anywayz on another subject...luis is getting a free car, 95 monte carlo gold with a cd player and tinted windows, and leather interior...he's getting it from his cousin on his dad's side..he's been hanging out with his dad's family a lot lately...and mom has been communicating with luey's aunt...so all is well right now...i pray that it will stay that way for luis's stake...i went to his sport's banquent the other day and he won the charles nagy award which is only given if there's is a worthy contendent...if there isn't then they don't give it away every year...it's for the senior athlete who was the overachiever and hardest worker...and luey won!!! i'm so proud of him he so deserves it....kim's brother won that award when we graduated...

luey has his graduation coming up in less than two weeks so that will emotional for me...i'm so proud of him....

well sick of typing gotta go to work...just 6 more hours then i'm off for 15 days...praise god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Subject:not much
Time:04:38 pm
not much going...sam got an interview with my boss here at work..i'm so excited for him...i really believe he's in...and my boss is siked to meet him...just keep praying for him....it's going to be weird working with him especially in an enviornment that has it's tendicy to get highly stressful but i'll be glad to see him get in school and become a nurse, and work will pay for it...praise God He always makes a way.....

other than that not much happening...i have a lot on my schedule...i'm working alomst everyday on the schedule (which is good) and then tonight kim begged me to go out with her to eat and the movies...so of course we're going for chinese (that's our ritual) and then to the movies. then tomorrow me and sarah are going to the grocery store to pick up some sandwitch steaks and then im making dinner....seasoned steaks, rice, platanos, and cupcakes..

my cupcakes have become a HUGE hit..(i don't do anything special though, it's all the lord) i've been on a cooking frenzy....and i absolutly love it!!! i look forward to cooking everyday and making something different...i want to buy salmon for next week on one of my days off and make myself a really nice dinner....i'm gonna ask mom how to make baked potatoes and then i'm frying chicken breasts and baking the botatoes and baking croissant rolls!!!

sam's gonna teach me how to bake a pie like for real next week so i'm excited about that!!! i love to cook!!!

i have sarah's bday this week coming up and then my mom's is two days after sarah's so i have a real busy week coming up...plus my boss's birthday party is next friday night in chicago and i have to go with luis to his orientation friday moring for purdue (mom begged me to go with him) and my mom's friend's are throwing her a suprise party for her bday w/ a stripper (yuck!!!) and i have to help plan that....the lord gives me rest

gotta go work bye
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Time:03:32 pm
Well that last entry was a bit on the nervous breakdown edge, but thank the lord that he supplies...i got lots of deliverence that night and everything is back to gravy...me and the lord are back on normal speaking schedule...but i did realize that He wants me to be more intimate with him. that's why i haven't met my mate yet..because i have to see Jesus as that alone. as everything. I am going through so much emotional upheal right now that half the time i just want break down...but it's all the healing He's doing. i am so greatful....and i'm learning patience...trying not to want everything RIGHT NOW! I can't wait till my vacation from work...cuz i think i'm gonna go get a nice spa room or something in michigan and stay a weekend there...by myself perhaps...god willing...just to relax and get on the same page as the Lord. i also have luis's graduation day and party, and of course i want to try to head out to great america, god willing. just to not have to go to work is blessing enough...but i do really want to have some alone time with me and the Lord in a nice, comfortable setting...read the word...talk with him about EVERYTHING i've been meaning to get out of my system...though i know he already knows my heart...it's still better i think to tell him intimatley. i do hope i get to spend some time with sarah and sam but at the same time not too much...right now i'm just keeping an arm lengths away cuz i'm feeling a little sufficated right now. it's not them but i've grown accustom to spending time alone. i almost appreciate it. then of course it's always a different story when i'm by myself. none the less, i'm soo excited to go on vaca. i'm on an official diet...or i should say life changing eating program...(it's the only way to keep off the weight) i really just have to spend more time at the gym and stop being lazy. i rebuke that in the name of Jesus. i want to look good for the cruise and i will...i call it done in the name of Jesus...i love that i don't have to worry or wonder if i'll actually do it cuz the Lord helps me with everything and He'll be sure it's done. and i will do everything in my power to keep my discipline. Walking lots of walking will do the trick....and i have a great trail by my house and it's summer...it's on like donky kong!!!!!! praise god
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